Once again the Olympic Games have captured the attention of the whole World and along with around a billion other people on Friday night I found myself engrossed in the opening ceremonies. Sky diving Queen, Mr. Bean, dancing teens. It was all wonderful.
Afterwards however, I found myself way too jazzed up to get to sleep. So instead I began a little Google searching of some of my favorite Olympic moments of the past. I relived the Phelps victories of 2008, remembered our lovely volleyball ladies Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, and of course proudly re-watched videos of the Magnificent Seven of 1996.
It was all stuff that I remembered fondly, but as the hours went by I started to go farther and farther back. Back to a time long before I was even born. I became fascinated by the 1932 games that took place in Los Angeles California and found out that aside from being the host country, the United States absolutely dominated, winning a staggering 103 medals. Then, while scrolling through some old photos I noticed something. Some of our most winning athletes looked very familiar.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have discovered a shocking Cullen family secret.
1932 Olympic Swimmer Clarence "Buster" Crabbe was really none other than our respected vampire patriarch Carlisle Cullen.
Gold medal winning track star William "Bill" Carr was actually surly teenage vampire Edward Cullen.
And most shocking of all. America's athletic leading lady Mildred "Babe" Didrikson was really the kind hearted mother of lost souls Esme Cullen.
Shame on you Cullen family. We've come to expect so much more of you. This kind of behavior is truly disappointing. I can only hope this was a one time occurrence.